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Messages - Katie

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Chapter 9 / Re: Positive Intentions
« on: April 03, 2016, 09:01:38 pm »
There is a boy in my class named Angel. He had a really hard time in Kinder and beginning first grade communicating when he was upset about something. He would just yell, throw things, hit, etc. There have been a few times over the past few weeks that Angel has been frustrated but seeks me out. He starts yelling but I first ask him to breathe and I place my hand on his back or chest so that he knows I need to feel his deep breath. Then I use DNA and he usually corrects me if I get something wrong. Then I ask him if he knows the words or if needs my help with them. He usually knows the words to say but asks me to go with him. And this usually solves the problem. This has been happening more and more. And I've noticed his outbursts are happening less and less.

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Chapter 8 / Re: Empathy
« on: April 03, 2016, 08:51:52 pm »
One way I empathize with my kids is using the DNA script. Acknowledging their emotions and what they are going through really helps them. I also say things like "You really wanted to play with the legos right now." "It's really hard when we have to wait." "It's hard when we want something and don't get it." Saying things like that offer empathy but don't change our limits. Usually when I say something along these lines, it helps calm them down but they still don't get to do the poor choice.

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Chapter 5 / Re: Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness
« on: April 01, 2016, 02:51:32 pm »
I am trying to get better at being more assertive vs. being aggressive. I've found that lately I am able to calm myself down when I'm feeling frustrated and use a strategy to deal with the issue. I think trying to focus on what I want the kids to do has really helped. I feel like I have been wired to say "What are you doing? Why did you do that?" Now I'm trying to say things like "You wanted to sit in that spot. You may not hit. Next time say, Move please so they know you want to sit there." I also have noticed that when I give a clearer picture of what I want them to do, they respond better. There is not a clear picture for the word don't so saying don't do something is not as helpful as telling them what to do. That has also helped me be clearer about what I want them to do.

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Chapter 7 / Re: Choices
« on: April 01, 2016, 02:37:57 pm »
I struggle with this because some kids will just not choose one of the positive choices. I particularly have noticed this in one of my children, Joseph. Initially when I moved to the room in January, he fought me on every little thing. He did not want to do anything the class did. He wanted to do his own thing all the time. I had a really hard time with him at first because it was so frustrating and distracting. But then I started just hugging him in the morning during breakfast and now I've noticed a change. He is more engaged in the class lessons and has been completing his work. He seeks me out when he is upset now, instead of blowing up. He still has moments that are not good choices. But I really think the connection piece is what is key. If he feels connected to me, he is most likely going to respond to my choices I offer. I also use the broken record technique. It's called parroting in the book. I just repeat the choices over and over until they make one, even with a bad attitude. Eventually, they start doing these things on their own.

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Chapter 6 / Re: Contributions
« on: April 01, 2016, 02:24:06 pm »
I think the main way I do this is by what the book says on page 180 "Structure the environment so children's gifts are made public" I try to notice ways that kids are helping other kids in the classroom. This week, a boy told another boy that he was a very good artist during writing. I said something like "Joseph, that was very kind of you to compliment Armando. That was encouraging." Or if someone helps someone else clean up, I would say something like "Maria helped Aniya clean up the crayons on the floor. That was helpful!" Another thing we can do is focus on what they are doing during challenging tasks or situations. Saying something like "You tried really hard and you did it!" Or "You are working really hard to __________. Keep it up!"

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Chapter 2 / Re: Brain States
« on: November 23, 2015, 12:39:18 pm »
Yes, this is the struggle I am having. When I address one issue happening, 3 more have popped up in that same time I am helping someone else. It has felt very overwhelming as I try to navigate what to do with this. I have noticed that that is a trigger for me. I get more and more flustered as issues pop up while I am trying to help someone else. When I notice it is getting rowdy or too many problems are happening at the same time, I stop and ask everyone to breathe with me. This gets some of their attention. Then I start clapping, snapping, patting out a rhythm and I keep repeating it until everyone has stopped and is with me. It doesn't work every time but it does most of the time.

Brittney your scripts are the things I try to say (doesn't happen all the time unfortunately). Even when things feel out of control, I look for the helpful behaviors. I have started narrating behavior, but now I add on this:

Bryan is sitting with his hands like this. His mouth is quiet. He is ready to hear the story. That's helpful.

Aubrey has her eyes on the book. She is ready to hear the story. That's helpful.

Just pointing out the helpful things helps me stay a little more positive and causes the other kids to want to be seen as helpful too.

Another success I've noticed is that at the beginning of the year, the kids had no skills. They didn't know how to address each other or ask for what they want. Now most of them are able to do it. The question is, how do you get them to use those skills instead of reverting back to what they want to do? For example:

Jeremiah took the cars from Marshawn. Marshawn is mad and hits Jeremiah. When they come running to me screaming, I ask Jeremiah what he can do and he immediately says "I can give an I Message." Marshawn says the same. They both can communicate exactly what they want the other one to do and can come up with a solution.

Ok great! But why don't they use them on their own? I need help with getting them to use the skills they have learned independently.

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